Humorous Valentine Poems

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Humorous Valentine Poems

As you embark on life's journey, If you want to stay on track, Make sure you can work a sat nav And your wife can read a map.

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I tried to write a romantic poem For you this Valentine's Day Which is why this Valentine's card Didn't arrive until mid-May

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm allergic to flowers. Achoo! Achoo!

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I said to you, "Oh, please be mine; Be mine forever, Valentine." I must have seemed like quite a fool, Although I thought I was being cool. I swore that we would never part, As I put my hand upon my heart. Had I been thinking with my head, I probably would have fled instead

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I want to catch you fast So you can't get away. You are so charming And very disarming. So you I cannot grasp.

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I'm looking for comfort food Deep in the fridge; Often I think I could jump off a bridge. What is the reason For all the above? It's Valentine's Day, And I'm SO in love!

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Roses are red, Violets are pleasant, You're getting this card, Instead of a present.

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Violets are Blue Roses are thorny Be my valentine because I am horny!

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Look into my eyes. Your eyes are getting heavy You're getting sleepy, Sleeeepy, sleeeepy. Now repeat after me.. "I want to be your love slave".

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Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Mentalpause.. Did you ever notice how .. ..all women's problems begin with MEN!!!

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If I were a key,I would lock you;
If lightning,then I would shock you;
If I were a pier I would dock you;
If I had a band I would rock you.
If I were a spoon,I would feed you;
If I were a house,I would deed you;
On Valentine's Day,I must plead you,
Valentine,I really need you!

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Collards is green,yer eyes ain't blue
I am so lucky to have a darlin'like you.
Ya kin strip a motor in just few minutes
And still have time to go hunt supper and even skin it.
We go together like a skunk and stink
Ever time I see ya my eye starts to wink.
Yer love fer me is like a roll of duct tape
Ya hold me together each time I break.

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Somewhere across the winter world tonight
You will be hearing chimes that fill the air
Christmas extends its all-enfolding light
Across the distance...something we can share.
You will be singing,just the same as I,
These familiar songs we know so well,
And you will see these same stars in your sky
And wish upon that brightest one that fell.

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It's Valentine's day,
& it's really quite silly;

My feelings r switching around
Willy-nilly.

I'm happy, SO happy!
Den I'm feeling SO sad;

I'm gloomy,I'm jyful
Oh man, dis is bad!

My body is clammy,
Den I'm in a deep sweat;

Sometimes I'm giddy,
Sometimes I fret.

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Getting older cn b a pain,
But wid u along, I can't complain.

Despite da things dat we go through,
I know I'll never stop loving u.

Ur loving heart turns life 2 play,
As we laugh at time from day 2 day.

So I write dis poem, & I'll hang my sign,
Saying, "Always B My Valentine."

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Valentine, u're in my dreams,
Both daytime & at night;
I dream of how u'd feel 2 touch,
Hw I'd fill u wid delight.

So far my dreams have not come true;
U scarcely know I'm there.
Bt if I were a super hero,
Den I could make u care.

As Spiderman I'd weave a web,
Lure u & catch u in it,
So u couldn't jst smile & walk away,
After talking less dan a minute.

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Since my Valentine got a computer
My luv life has taken a hit.

Nothing I say is important
Unless it's a byte or a bit.

B4 she got her new laptop,
Everything was jst fine;

Nw she says we can't talk
Unless we both go online.

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On Valentines Day !

One pickle said 2 the other.
"Ur luv means a great dill"

Even skunks celebrate Valentine's Day.
Bcoz they're very scent-imental!

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On Valentines Day !

Da bat said 2 his girlfriend.
"U're fun 2 hang around wid."
& Da paper clip said 2 the magnet?
"I find u very attractive."

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There is a simple equation.
Dat has confused a few.

Where da amount of luv.
Someone feels 4 u.

Is inversely proportional.
2 hw much dat u.

Luv them, & i think.
U'll agree dat is so true.

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luv the way u look at me wid ur eyes so bright & blue,
I luv the way u kiss me u lips so soft & smooth,

I luv the way u make me so happy & the way u show u care,
I luv the way u say i luv u & the way ur always there,

I luv the way u 2uch me always sending chills down my spine,
I luv the way u are wid me & glad the u are mine.

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Hey there little thing.
The phone is about 2 ring.

Only 1 voice will b heard.
& dat will b ur king.

4 once I was smart.
Couldn't fail my part.

I got u a special gift.
Not messing wid ur heart.

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I said 2 u, "Oh, plz b mine;
B mine 4ever, Valentine."

I must have seemed like quite a fool,
Although I thought I was bing cool.

I swore dat we would never part,
As I put my hand upon my heart.

Had I been thinking wid my head,
I'd probably have fled instead.

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If I were a key, I would lock u;
If lightning, den I would shock u;

If I were a pier I would dock u;
If I had a band I would rock u.

If I were a spoon, I would feed u;
If I were a house, I would deed u;

On Valentine's Day, I mst plead u,
Valentine, I really need u!

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Humorous Valentine Poems

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