Funny Sayings

If you want Funny Sayings then you have to stop your search here. allbestmessages.co is all about Funny Sayings. Just read our new collection of Funny Sayings.

Funny Sayings



My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry...



*****************



If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?



*****************



Please cancel my subscription to your issues.



*****************



Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.



*****************



I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.



*****************



Q: Why did the computer show up at work late? A: It had a hard drive.



*****************



The only difference in my life when I'm on a diet is instead of saying, "I ate nachos," I say, "I accidentally ate nachos."



*****************



My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.



*****************



Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.



*****************



It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.



*****************



He who laughs last didn't get it.



*****************



You'll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.



*****************



Sometimes I drink water - just to surprise my liver.



*****************



Liar's legs are short, but well trained..



*****************



I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.



*****************



Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.



*****************



You don't notice the air, until someone spoils it.



*****************



You should argue with your wife only when she's not around



*****************



In God we trust; all others must pay cash.



*****************



You're born free, then you're taxed to death.



*****************



Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.



*****************



Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.



*****************



Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush...I mean it about the toothbrush.



*****************



I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?' I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.



**************



Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.



**************



Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.



**************



A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.



**************



Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.



**************



Don't forget to leave your comment about these Funny Quotes and Sayings in the comment section below.



**************



Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.



**************



The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.



**************



It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.



**************



Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.



**************



A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.


**************


Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.


**************


The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.


**************


Like its politicians and its war, society has the teenagers it deserves.


**************


A fine is a tax for doing wrong.A tax is a fine for doing well.


**************


He who laughs last thinks slowest.


**************


Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.


**************


Always laugh when you can.It is cheapest medicine.


**************


Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life.


**************


The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.


**************


you can't have everything....where would you put it?


**************


I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot..


**************


Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.


**************


A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence.


**************


Life becomes useless and insipid when we have no longer either friends or enemies.


**************


In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.


**************


I either Get what I want or I change my mind.


**************


I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.


**************


Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.


**************


If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.


**************


It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.


**************


There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.


**************


Why do psychics have to ask for your name?


**************


An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'


**************


Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage.


**************


Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


**************


"Those not present are always incorrect."


**************


There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.


**************


Why do we need Algebra? Finding X is only useful if you're a pirate.


**************


Teacher: why are you talking during my lesson? Student: why are you teaching during my conversation?


**************


Some people hate tomatoes but like ketchup?


**************


Funny Sayings, funny as hell sayings, funny tombstone sayings, funny bitchy irish sayings about old age, cool stupid funny sayings about love

Now allbestmessages.co take care all your needs for quotes. Our research team do research and collect best quotes at one place. We keep updating our site All Best Messages regularly for Funny Sayings. Pleasel recommend this site to your friends if you like allbestmessages collection of Funny Sayings. Please bookmark allbestmessages and keep visiting again and again for best quotes.
Cute Funny Quotes
Funny Life Quotes
Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Retirement Quotes
Funny Stupid Quotes
Funny Sayings
Funny Teenage Quotes
Funny Quotes Phrases
Funny Movie Quotes
Funny Famous Quotes
Very Funny Quotes


Quotes Collection

SMS Of The Day

Email:

Subscribe and receive sms of the day in your inbox.
Collection of
     Sweet, Cool, Cute Text Messages, Sad, Punjabi Msgs, Hindi, Romantic, Mobile Cell Phone Msg
Quotes Collection