Funny Quotes On Life

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Funny Quotes On Life

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

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I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life....

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My theory is that the hardest work anyone does in life is to appear normal.

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Humor is reason gone mad.

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History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

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Go through life like a duck: Majestic on top, kicking like hell underneath.

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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

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Smile..It confuses people..!!

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Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep

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Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

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If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

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It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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If a person really wants to live, the medicine is helpless.

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

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Run for your life � there are stupid people everywhere.

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Life is not divided into semesters You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.

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You never realize what you have till its gone...Toilet paper is a good example.

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A man should control his life Mine is controlling me.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

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Live your life in the manner that you would like your kids to live theirs.

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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

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Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

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My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.

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Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

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Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.

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I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

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Crying doesn't help anything, try your luck with violent mood swings.

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I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

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Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

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Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.

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People like you are the reason people like me take pills!

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Experience is a terrible teacher who sends horrific bills.

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Marge it takes two to lie.One to lie and one to listen.

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Life is just a phase you're going through. you'll get over it.

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Life is like an onion you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

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Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

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If you wish to live wisely ignore sayings including this one.

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You can't have everything. where would you put it.

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Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.

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An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

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May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.

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Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

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In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

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To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.

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It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.

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In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.

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Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.

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Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.

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There is properly no history; only biography.

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It's easy to say no, even if it means dying.

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Death is a once in a lifetime experience.

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When nothing is in your hand, your hand is empty like always..

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Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique, and not too much imagination.

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When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

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Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

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