Funny Inspirational Quotes

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Funny Inspirational Quotes

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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Everyone is entitled to their own incorrect opinion.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

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When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

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I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book

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If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.

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Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed with being right?

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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

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A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

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Instant gratification takes too long.

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Try to be like the turtle � at ease in your own shell.

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Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

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Life is like a ten-speed bicycle Most of us have gears we never use.

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Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished If you're alive it isn't.

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The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

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If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

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I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

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The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.

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You can observe a lot just by watching.

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And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

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Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk.

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Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought.

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We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.

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The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

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Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.

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Those who wish to sing, always find a song.

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My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.

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The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

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The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

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Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.

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A woman is like a tea bag you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.

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A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

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The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and to let it come in.

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If you don't know where you are going any road will get you there.

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Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished If you're alive it isn't.

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Even if you are on the right track you will get run over if you just sit there.

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My life has been filled with terrible misfortune most of which never happened.

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Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

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Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.

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Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

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Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad

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The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.

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The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.

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The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

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The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.

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"Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die."

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

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I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

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The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

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If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.

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I'm really go0d at making things. Mistakes are my specialty.

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I d0nt make mistakes. I just make bad decisi0ns.

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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

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