Humorous Short Quotes

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Humorous Short Quotes

That fail moment when you pull your blankets up & punch yourself in the face.

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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running

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Fish and visitors stink after three days

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Things to do today: 1. Dig a hole 2. Name it Love 3. Watch people fall in Love

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I can resist everything except temptation.

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Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.

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In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

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All generalizations are bad.

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I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

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Today is the last day of some of your life

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Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys.

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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

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Facebook is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.

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Easy to read short quotations by famous authors and anonymous.

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Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.

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Most people would die sooner than think in fact they do.

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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

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The standard definition of AI is that which we don't understand.

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Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

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Love is a grave mental disease.

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Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.

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All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.

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A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.

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It's not cheating unless you get caught.

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I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

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A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it.

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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

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If everything is coming your way you're in the wrong lane.

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Love your enemies.It makes them so damned mad.

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When on the ladder of success, don't let boys look up ur dress.

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Have no fear of perfection-you'll never reach it.

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Love is like piz natural, irrational, and very important.

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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on..

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My Mom has always been one of my biggest supporters and the wisdom.
she has given me over the years has helped shaped the person I am today.

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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...

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Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?

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Short as life is, we make it still shorter by the careless waste of time.

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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

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Men become old, but they never become good.

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Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.

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Women are like cars, we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

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Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both.

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When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

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A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.

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People like you are the reason people like me take pills!

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I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

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Great love affairs start with champagne and end with tisane.

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Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

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The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.

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"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not."

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Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

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Humorous Short Quotes , Short Humorous Quotations Sayings, Humorous Daily Quotes Short

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